Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
