I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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