Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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