who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
