Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
