I wanna bring you to show and tell
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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