I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
