So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
