So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
