so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
