Jerry, you need to find god
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
