i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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