im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
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I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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