Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
