someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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