Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
