I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
