just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
