I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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