8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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