We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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