i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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