Umm I'm too high to move.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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