Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
