He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
