dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
