It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
