Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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