you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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