I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
