college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
