I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
