I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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