ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
