i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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