a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
