I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
