I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
