there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
