i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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