idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize