Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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