New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
