Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
