The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
