Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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