it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
