Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
