Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
