I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
how drunk are you?
Several
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
