I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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