Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
