my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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