I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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