I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize