Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Houston, we have a squirter
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
