i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
