just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
