She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just pee around me
I'm like, not good at living.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
