I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
fuck your aforementioned shoe
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
