history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
