I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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