I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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