We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
