i think my mom watched the whole time
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
