Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
