Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
