We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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