I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
