I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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