im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
