Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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