Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
