So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
