I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
