I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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