I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my sisters under your porch take her home
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she peed on how many people?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
